Undercover
by KaKiara
Summary: In which Sakura is undercover on her most dangerous mission yet. In the men's bathhouse.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the characters therein. I do not make any money from writing fanfiction

* * *

_Crapcrapcraphellshitdamnit_!

How the hell was she going to get out of this? By the Hokages, she swore she would never get stir-crazy at the hospital again.

Speaking of Hokages, there was no way Tsunade-sama could have planned this, was there? Sakura made a mental note to get down to business and do some serious sucking up the minute she was back in Konoha. She'd never whine about not getting enough field-time ever again.

"God I love hot springs," groaned the merchant as he settled into the steaming water. Harrumphing in contentment, he reclined against a rock and spread out his pudgy limbs. Didn't they provide any bigger towels? "It's a shame that the women's bath is on the other wing. Men should always appreciate fine goods. I mean, you gotta keep those things where you can see them, eh Daijiro-kun?" A sickly wiggle of his eyebrows sent her breakfast halfway up her esophagus.

She forced her anger down and made her shoulders to relax. Bigot.

The merchant plowed on.

"Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame," he let out an exaggerated sigh, no doubt picturing several well-endowed 'goods'. It was all she could do to resist smashing her fist into his pompous, chauvinistic, reedy little nose. If she was able to pay next month's rent without this mission's payment, she gladly would have rearranged his face before hightailing it out of there. If only she hadn't let Ino talk her into spending the last of her money on that ceremonial kimono. 'A girl's wardrobe needs to handle any situation' her ass.

She didn't even _need_ clothes for this mission. Literally.

She resisted the urge to cover her chest and rechecked her henge for the umpteenth time.

"That's my philosophy anyway,' he concluded. "It's why I always travel with my wares." More like he didn't want a delivery service to ask where he 'acquired' his wares. Her target, - currently boasting about the various 'gracious young ladies' he had met at hot springs - was a key link in a series of stolen goods trafficking she and her partner were investigating. They knew where he got his wares, but not who he was delivering them to.

Earlier that evening, they had staged a bandit attack half an hour from a rundown village. Ah, the uses for kage bunshin. Surely, most men would treat their rescuer to a round of sake at the nearest bar? Maybe hire him as a bodyguard for the remainder of the journey, if the right buttons were pushed? Especially if said rescuer was a muscular young man who had proven he could wield a sword?

Sakura squirmed inside her henge. She just could not get used to the feeling of having her chest exposed, invisible or not.

But _nooo_, Toro-san invited his rescuer to an onsen. Who the hell did that? She should have let her partner pretend to save the merchant. But of course, she wanted some action, didn't she?

Well, action she was certainly getting. Sakura focused on the wall behind her target's head. Just breathe, just relax…

Inches from her ear, a towel slipped to expose half of a pockmarked rear as another man wadded into the spring.

_Oh God._

Her neck snapped audibly as her head whipped forward. Her target kept on talking.

None of the men in Konoha had that much hair on their backside, she was sure of that. Uh-uh. Think of something else, think of something else…

'_Could you could sit any straighter? It looks like something is trying to crawl up your ass._' Ah, her dear partner. Her earpiece crackled as it fed his voice into her ear. '…_There isn't anything trying to crawl up, is there? That water looks awfully suspicious._'

He was enjoying this. The prick. He was hiding somewhere, watching her try to seem comfortable in the men's bath, and was actually enjoying it.

(She didn't let herself contemplate the fact that if they had switched roles, she would be the one spying on her former sensei in the bath – no henge needed for him.)

She withheld a scathing reply. She couldn't conceal a mouthpiece in the baths, so he could see and speak her, but she had no way to communicate back.

'_You know, usually I'm not picky where I bathe on a mission this far from Konoha, but I think I would have given this place a miss,_' he drawled in her ear. '_The mould climbing up that wall over there is a little intimidating. But hey, you're the biologist; do you think any of its spores could be floating around in the water right now?_'

She was going to kill him. It was his fault she couldn't get the image of microscopic slime crawling across her skin.

Every.

Single.

Inch.

Of.

It.

She shuddered, and crossed her legs.

" – after I left that little vixen, I traveled north to… are you alright, Daijiro-kun?" the merchant frowned, pausing mid-story.

It was time to hurry the hell up.

"But don't you think that was a bit dangerous?" she asked.

"Well, she was a fireball, but she wasn't about to traipse half the country to follow me; she was a city girl, through and through-"

"No, I mean, uh, shouldn't you've at least had someone with you while you were traveling? Especially when you have so much stuff with you? Those bandits today were pretty scary looking…" she forced a look of innocent concern onto her face.

If only he knew.

"Oh, that's all in a day's work for a merchant. Roaming the lands, meeting exotic people, sampling cultures from across the map!" His hands roamed through the air, surely painting a romantic picture in his mind's eye. She was distracted by the oscillating lumps of flesh swaying under his arms.

"Mind you, some days I do feel as though I should let a younglin' learn the tricks of the trade. You know, learn from an old master…" Hook, line and sinker. He fixed his beady eyes on her to judge her expression. Sakura waited for a few moments before letting her face melt into eager grin. The dumber he thought she was, the less likely he would think 'Daijiro-kun' would question his business.

"Hey, hey! You know, I've been looking for a job and you could use someone to watch your back and all, so maybe, well, maybe…" she trailed off, hoping she looked too excited for words.

Toro leaned back and regarded her skeptically. Pursed his lips. Hummed and hawed.

Actor.

"I don't know kid, I don't know if you're up for the lifestyle. I wouldn't want to get you into something that wouldn't make you happy." Seriously? He was going this route?

"How about this: I'll let you tag along for this trip, and if you feel like this is something that you want to pursue, I'll consider teaching you the trade. But you know, I can't just cart around extra weight. You'll have to earn your keep," he finished with a knowing look from under his eyebrows.

What a cheap ass. She wouldn't even get paid.

Dutifully, she showed off her pearly whites and did her best to seem enthusiastic about spending an unknown amount of time with the hentai for free. Hopefully the drop-off point wasn't far – infiltrating the thieves' base would be a piece of cake if she showed up with one of their merchants.

She snapped her attention back to Toro as an expression of intense pain swept across his features.

"Ooh… oh…," he groaned from deep in his chest. Alarmed, Sakura wondered if he was suffering from some kind of medical attack. No matter what the consequences were for the mission, she was _not_ giving him CPR.

A strangely muffled bass sound emanated from around his person.

His head rolled back in bliss as ominous bubbles broke though the water's surface.

"Ah, that's better," he sighed. "Those damn cabbage rolls tie my guts into knots. It's good to straighten them out now and then."

A clammy chill swept up her body, despite the water's temperature.

'_Well, on the bright side, that was probably potent enough to kill off any spores hanging around_,' chuckled Kakashi.

What had she gotten herself into? She squeezed her legs even closer together to prevent the befouled water from touching at least some part of her. What if they had to travel together for weeks?

The horror!

'_Or maybe that's what feeds them, what do you think_?"

She was ready to cry. Just not in front of her captain.

* * *

She bid Toro goodnight outside of the onsen, promising to meet him bright and early the next morning to start traveling. Joy.

She turned, only to have her way blocked by none other than her charming commentator.

"I hate you."

"Love you too, Sakura-chan!" The bastard was beaming, she could tell.

She glared at his over-the-top cheerful demeanor. Giving up, she collapsed forward and leaned her forehead against his chest. His hands came to rest on her shoulders.

"Why me? Kill me. Please. Do a favour for your old student." She lifted her head to give him her best kicked-puppy face.

"Mission first," he happily chirped at her. He was such a jerk. She told him so, only to have him put an arm around her and lead her down the road. They were camping in the woods tonight to keep his miserly ass happy. The man was as compromising as stone.

"You never know," she started, playing her last card, "he could be a highly trained ninja in disguise." She gave him her most serious look. "You don't want to send a woman in that kind of situation, do you?"

She doubted the 'woman' card would hold; Kakashi was acquainted with too many kunoichi for him to view her as incapable of handling her own problems. Not to mention he had seen her destroy entire buildings with a well-placed punch. But she was desperate.

"Don't worry, _sweetheart_," God he was infuriating, "I checked him with the Sharingan just to make sure you would be safe while you two were bantering away."

All out of arguments, she resigned herself to her fate with a whimper.

"Let's get a good night sleep to prepare for tomorrow. And if you don't wipe that pout off you face, there won't be any spontaneous bandit attacks on your nice, long journey."

"You wouldn't dare!"

He chuckled at her frantic expression.

"You just wait until you have to pretend to be a woman. Expect no help in the areas of makeup, fashion, men or tampons. Try and hold a conversation with some silly bimbo, without backup for that!"

* * *

That night, Sakura lay in her sleeping roll, desperately trying to fall sleep. She dreaded the morning. Just as she was about to succumb to slumber, a thought crossed her mind.

Kakashi had been watching them.

With his Sharingan.

Which saw through illusions.

While she had nothing but a towel around her waist.

No wonder he had been so fricking cheerful.

* * *

Author's Notes:

1) Why hello there!

2) This little one-shot came to me as I woke up this morning. I really didn't mean to write six pages, but such is the power of procrastination! (I don't even want to think of all the school work I should be doing. Ah, well, at least writing fanfiction is semi-productive, right? (Nod your heads, please).

3) I absolutely adore Kakashi/Older Sakura fics. Hence that is why that is all I write. I really should write something else,… who am I kidding? They're too awesome. By the way, Sakura is not a minor in this story. Just thought I would make that clear.

4) Topic change! Reviews inspire me to keep writing, so I would really appreciate it if you do review. Anonymous reviews are allowed for this story, so you don't need an account to leave me feedback. General comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated!

5) Thanks for reading!

Love, KaKiara


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